I knew this was coming...

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
And it doesn't mean that it doesn't break my heart, more than a little, each time Samantha reaches for her daddy instead of me.

but really, I did know this was coming. it just doesn't make things any easier. She is starting to have seperation anxiety. The only problem is, she couldn't care less when mommy leaves. But if daddy leaves, even just to go in the kitchen, where he is still in her line of sight, she breaks down into tears. Even with me sitting on the floor playing with her.

This happened yesterday. We were sitting outside, just the 3 of us, and she was playing in the grass. It was hot and Dustin and I were thirsty. So he went in the house to get us some drinks. And Samantha freaked out. Completely freaked. She started running towards the house, screaming at the top of her lungs. But as soon as daddy came back outside, she was fine.

Again, later, we were all in the living room together and she needed more juice. Dustin went to refill her cup in the kitchen and she ran after him, crying her eyes out like he had just done the worst thing possible. I couldn't help it. This time, I cried. I mean, whats so bad about playing with mommy? Mommy loves her just as much. Mommy can comfort her and play with her.

And don't even get me started about when he had to go upstairs to the bathroom. She cried and cried. and then Uncle Matt came home. She RAN to the doorway to see who came in, and when she saw it wasn't daddy, she burst into tears some more. So at least it's not just me, right? ha. Easy for you to say.

She woke up around 4:45 this morning and decided she wanted to be up for the day. After a long, convincing try, we gave up and gave her some motrin. And then i took her out of bed to change her diaper. She fought me and pushed me away. She wanted daddy. Daddy set up her pack n play in our bedroom, and we brought her in there. didn't help. She was finally quiet and daddy said "goodnight Samantha". She was fine. Quiet. Peaceful. and i said "nighty night baby" and she burst into tears. Even Dustin is starting to get frustrated with her not wanting me. It's like she wants NOTHING to do with me.

And it breaks my heart. More than just a little bit.

reminder

My giveaway is coming closer!!! So to all those of you who haven't entered yet, I'm throwing in an extra BONUS! It's a surprise though! So keep the entries coming, and help me make this a successful giveaway!

Go here to enter!

1st Annual Blog Bash

Hosted by: Not your Average Teen
Read about all the rules here

So. A little about me. ah. the joys of being me. A Look into the life of a full time working mom.
I am 24 years old and my daughter is 15 months old. I have been with her daddy for 7 years and 2 days :-) Yeah, I was young. But I'm in love. I am so lucky to have found my soul mate at such a young age. I work full time and miss my daughter for every single second.

5 questions? Of course!
1.) Why do you blog? I started this blog as a way to update my friends and family on Samantha and her progress... new things she is doing, how she is growing, etc.

2.) What do you blog about? This is the best part... anything I want! It started with just updates on Samantha, but has since then, grown into so much more!

3.) What do you find to be the biggest reward you get from blogging? Nothing really... I mean, I enjoy getting comments and hearing about other people that can connect with what I'm feeling...

4.) How long have you been blogging? Not too long. I started this blog when Samantha was a month old I think... back in April 2009?

5.) Let's hear the story behind your blog title! :) Nothing too exciting! "A look into my life" was just my way of coming up with a "good" title. I have changed it already once, since it used to be "Following Samantha ____" But since the last name was involved, I decided to change that.

7 years...

It's our 7 year anniversary...


Happy Anniversary babe. I love you.

Flashback Friday!

This post is as hard to write as it is to actually publish.
This, my dear blogging friends, is never before seen footage.

of the day my daughter was born.

I am going to share the most personal, emotional moment of my life, because... well, it's just TOO special to keep to myself. It's actually kinda selfish if you think about it.

But first, I wanted to share my birth story:
This was written on March 29th 2009. 4 days after my daughter was born.

Tuesday afternoon (March 24), I had an ultrasound appt. to check her weight. During the ultrasound, they found that I only had 4cm of fluid when there should have been between 8 and 20. The dr. said it wasn't safe to continue the pregnancy, so I was sent to labor and delivery to be induced.

I got to labor and delivery just before 2pm. They hooked me up to the moniters and we waited until 4pm before they gave me the cervadil. Then there was a 12 hour wait before they started the pitocin. Around 4 am they allowed me to get out of bed and shower. I had an hour to shower and just walk around a little bit before they started the pitocin to induce labor. That was started at 5am. Throughout the day, I was having regular contractions but was not dialating at all. I was supposed to get the epidural, but not until I started dialating. Since it took so long and there was nothing happening, they gave it to me anyways. BEST THING EVER!!!

They waited until about 6pm before deciding they were going to go ahead with a c-section. I was scared, but happy to be done with the labor pains. They gave me some stuff through the epidural to numb me for the c-section. Dustin and I were finally going to be parents! While he got scrubbed up, they prepped me for surgery. Down in the OR, I was so numb, I couldn't feel a thing. They put up a sheet to block what they were doing and Dustin was sitting up by my head. The dr. started tugging on stuff and all I felt was a tugging pressure feeling.

Then she said her head was coming out! It was so weird not being able to move or anything, but sooo worth it! After she was out and stable, they asked Dustin if he wanted to go see her. He went to the corner of the room where they were cleaning her up and taking her footprints. He took lots of pictures, and then brought the camera back to show me. He looked so proud and happy. They brought her over to me and let me kiss her head before bringing her to the nursery.

Dustin went with her while I was stitched and cleaned up. They brought me to recovery for an hour, where I had severe shaking. I was so glad once that stopped. All I wanted was to see my baby girl. Dustin came back down to recovery and showed me some more pictures from the nursery. They wheeled me down to the mother/baby floor and all our family were waiting for us. They got me into bed and after about a half hour they brought me my beautiful baby girl.

She weighed 7 pounds, 12 ounces and was 20 inches long. She is absolutely gorgeous! The moment she was placed in my arms was absolutely the best moment in my life.

I hope you enjoyed my story. Please, enjoy the videos.

*disclaimer* Please keep in mind that I was very drugged and completely loopy at the time these videos were taken. please don't judge me by these videos!!!

This video is from when we announced her name. Her name wasn't decided on until we were at the hospital and I was in labor.



We decided on the name Samantha Madison because, honestly, we couldn't decide between Samantha and Madison. We decided that Samantha Madison sounded better then Madison Samantha. So there ya have it. Nothing too special I suppose. She wasn't named after anyone dearly special in our lives or anything like that.

This next video is from when she was placed in my arms for the first time...

Pretty self explanatory.

friday blog hop

If you like making new friends, join us for all these neat and fun blog hops!
Go check out the other blogs and then if you like it, follow! and/or comment!

flashback friday fail

Well... I still haven't had the chance to get what I wanted to do done, but it's going to be a special post, so it WILL happen. This flashback friday post is going to be left empty. And possibly, maybe, if I can get it all taken care of tonight, I will get my real post up tonight. Or maybe even later today. We will see.

It's gonna be one special post.
So keep a look out.
It's never seen before footage people. NEVER SEEN.